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Bush Vows to Google Bin Laden

Enlists World’s Most Powerful Search Engine in Hunt for Madman

In a nationally televised speech today, President George W. Bush issued his most direct threat ever to Osama bin Laden, vowing to use the search engine Google to find the al-Qaeda terror leader.

“Mr. Osama bin Laden, you can run, but you can’t hide,” Mr. Bush said, with his trademark steely resolve. “Google will find you.”

Mr. Bush concluded his speech by warning the world’s most wanted madman, “I’m searching you on Google right now, and I’m feeling lucky.”

News reports that the CIA had recently disbanded a special unit dedicated to finding Mr. bin Laden suggested that the White House no longer saw his capture as a top priority, but the President’s decision to use what he called “the most powerful search engine on the Internets” sent a different message.

But even as Mr. Bush announced plans to enlist Google in the search for bin Laden, he attempted to manage the expectations of the American people, warning, “The Googling of Osama bin Laden will be a long and arduous Googling.”

Mr. Bush also acknowledged that he tried to use the auction site eBay last month to ensnare Mr. bin Laden, when news surfaced that the terror mastermind was a fan of the singer Whitney Houston.

The White House auctioned an autographed photo of Ms. Houston on the site, but the plan failed when the winning bid was made by North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il.

Editor’s note: After blogging last month about Google’s efforts to keep people from using “Google” as a verb, I couldn’t resist reprinting this piece from The Borowitz Report. If you enjoyed the satire, you can subscribe to a daily email feed of “news” stories such as this from their web site.

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